i need some people to give me a reality check and convince me not to stay. sorry this is so long, it’s nice to collect all my thoughs.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We moved in together after a year of dating, and we really built a life together. A year and a half ago, my mom entered a vegetative state due to an aneurysm, and my dad became an extreme alcoholic. I eventually quit my jobs, turned down job offers, moved states, and finished out my own degree online so he could start medical school. it was difficult for me to leave everything and all my friends, but I loved him. I thought we could get married when he graduated.

Then he was kicked out this month. Cheated on his exams. He was devastated, and I was too. I told him I didn’t care and that we could figure this out. Then this Sunday, I see he was cagey with his phone. I jokingly grabbed it from him, and he immediately snatched it back in a panic. I snooped on his phone that night when he was sleeping.

He’s cheating on me. The messages only go back for the last month on his secret discord account, but the secret reddit account is 2 years old. He sent a lot of nudes. Nudes on the comforter I bought, on the bed I bought. Nudes on the couch I bought, that we cuddle on together every night. Nudes in MY sweater. Nudes in MY socks. Nudes with sex toys he bought me. I’m confident everything was only online, but he did post on his Reddit looking for an in person FWB. He did this mostly in the last month, but there was a post from 6 months ago too.

I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night and literally shook with anxiety. I confronted him when he woke up yesterday, and he tried to lie to my face about it. When faced with the fact that I already knew, he tells me he felt terrible due to school and getting expelled. He said he still loves me, and he doesn’t know why he did it. I tried to tell him that it was over between us, but he asked for a second chance. He said we could both start communicating better and our relationship can improve. He said he would never do this again and that he never actually met anyone.

He left to spend the night at his parents house, but he’s already back today. It’s so hard. I love him so much that it’s difficult not to hug him and talk friendly with him. But I’m so hurt and betrayed that he would do this to me after everything I’m going through and gave up for him

To add to matters, if we break up he’ll lose what little he has left. All of his friends were in the med program he was expelled from. I own most of our things. He’ll have to move back in with his parents. Then his mom will find out he got expelled from medical school and lose it on him. He ruined his entire life in a month, and it’s hard not to feel sorry for him too. I wish he never did this to us. I wish that I could pretend this all didn’t happen. I wish he hid it all better. I wish I didn’t tell anyone what he did so I wouldn’t be so embarrassed by myself if I stay. i don’t know what I’m going to do even if we split up. my family lives 10 hours away, and I don’t have any friends in our new state.